Eat Plants, Drink Wine

I remember the exact moment when I decided to drink wine every night for the rest of my life.

It was 11 p.m., I was sitting at our kitchen table naked from the waist up. All three of my human children and another furry one were finally asleep and it was time to settle down with a glass of Cabernet and Game of Thrones. Just kidding, that’s what I wished would happen, that was not my reality as a new mom. In addition to my full-time job, I was also chief diaper changer, head housemaid to five crumb droppers and one more teeny-tiny important thing: I was the milk factory.

So instead of binge-watching and wine drinking, I had to attach the bicycle horn pumps to my oversized milk machines and coerce the baby’s food through the tubing and into the bottles. After perhaps thousands of bottles of milk over many years, in the blink of a moment for no one specific reason, I’d decided I was done. I would no longer grow baby humans and I would no longer produce or pump milk. I was done. Among other things, I just wanted to be able to have a glass of guilt-free wine—delectable red wine with subtle hints of chocolate and smoked bourbon.

I looked at my husband who was sitting in the living room blissfully immune to his naked wife pumping milk and I said, “Honey, this is the last bottle of milk I am ever going to pump. I’ve just spent three years dry and I want you to know that I’m going to drink wine every night for the rest of my life.”

He laughed a little then shrugged, “Okay.”

And so…my wine drinking life began, where I have a glass of wine with dinner, after dinner or both if I want too. Not soon after this new fantastic way of living began, a miraculous thing happened—I didn’t gain weight. Still today, I allow myself a glass of wine any night of the week and it does not adversely affect my weight. It only makes me a happier wife and mom. I enjoy the medicinal effects of relaxation and the feeling of being a little giddy. There is another big reason too, there are much worse things I could be doing at nine o’clock at night, like eating.

One glass of red wine is about 125 calories and is less detrimental to my weight than anything I’m going to pick from the pantry at nine o’clock at night. Having a glass (sometimes two) instead of eating after dinner is the lesser evil of the two.

Now, you might argue that eating carrots or having a protein shake at bedtime is not evil and would be healthier, that’s not the point. What I’m saying is that there is nothing in my pantry that I’m going to pick at nine at night that is less harmful to my weight and health. There are much more detrimental things a person can do in their diet besides having a glass of wine every night.

So, am I telling you that if you start drinking, you’ll lose weight? It depends. But I will tell you this, if you stop eating after dinner, even if you replace that food with one glass of wine, I’ll put my money down that you’ll lose weight if you have weight to lose.

Eat plants. Drink wine. That’s my motto and I’m sticking to it.